Why You Play Small When You Know You Were Made for More {1.27.26}

Let's have a deeply honest conversation about something many ambitious business owners quietly struggle with: playing small, even when they know they are meant for more.

Because playing small isn't always a choice -- it's a biological response to the fear that comes when your self-identity lags behind your vision.

If you have ever felt stuck between the version of yourself you’ve been and the one you know you’re becoming, this episode is for you.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• Why playing small isn’t a conscious choice, but a biological protection response
• How the primal brain prioritizes safety, predictability, and staying in the Comfort Cave
• The difference between your vision and your self-concept, and how an identity gap creates hesitation and self-doubt
• Why you can know you’re meant for more and still struggle to act on it
• How knowing and doing live in different parts of the brain (and why willpower isn’t enough)
• The fear of irreversibility and not being able to “go back”
• 5 tips to step into the work you’re here to do

Mentioned in this episode:
"What I'm No Longer Tolerating in 2026" podcast episode

Reflection Question:
If you were to keep playing small, what would your business and life look like 12 months from now and are you okay with that?

Thank you for listening!


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Transcript

0:44

Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Goal Getter Guide podcast. I am your host and guide, Jen Laffin, and I want to thank you for being here with me again this week. This week's episode is a little bit personal for me because it's something that. I have been struggling with, especially as I evolve into my future self and take on new challenges in 2026. And if you listen to my podcast episode a few weeks ago about the things that I'm no longer tolerating in 20 26, 1 of the things that I talked about is that I'm no longer tolerating, playing small, and I will put the link to that episode in the show notes for you. If you haven't listened to it, it's, it's a good one to go back and listen to. So I had said that in 2026. One of the things I was done with was playing small, and I know that I'm not alone in this. I know this because I have clients who are working on living into their ideal future selves. I see it on LinkedIn all the time. I hear it in comments, from my newsletters, and so I really wanted to just take. A few minutes today to talk about playing small, why we play small, and how we can stop playing small because we know that we were made for more. We know that we are here to do bigger things. You wouldn't be listening to this podcast now if you weren't. So to begin, I'd like for you to think about this question. If you are someone who feels like you are playing it safe, like you're playing it small in your business right now, if nothing was to change, where is playing small going to take you 12 months from now? Where are you going to be? Is it going to be more of the same? Is it going to be worse? How are you going to feel? And then I want you to ask yourself. Is that a future you're willing to live with? Because my guess is, is that your answer to that question is going to be no. But then it's also going to be followed up with the thought of, but how do I change it? Because we do get stuck playing small. Playing small is not a choice we make. It is a. Biological response, and you've probably heard me talk a lot about the primal brain and how it always wants to keep us safe In our comfort cave, the primal brain equates more visibility, more leadership, more money with risk. It sees it as very risky, so staying capable, but underexposed by staying safe, it feels so much safer. Than being fully seen. We have less chance of being judged. There's less risk involved, and that makes the primal brain feel safe. So on one hand, we know we're made for more, but we stay hidden in our comfort cave. We stay busy doing what we've always done. We're constantly making plans, but not taking the action to bring those plans to life. We spend a lot of time consuming instead of producing, and by that I mean reading books, taking webinars, being active on LinkedIn, instead of producing our own thought leadership to put out into the world, when we are playing small, what happens is that our self-concept has not caught up to our future vision. Your vision shows you what's possible, but your self-concept, what you believe about yourself now that decides what is allowed and your growth. Creates this identity gap and that gap feels like discomfort. It feels like hesitation. It feels like second guessing. This is why we say that we want more freedom. We want more impact, we want more income, but yet we keep choosing familiar behaviors. We keep doing what we've always done. So what's happening is now we're negotiating between who we've been and who we're becoming. You can intellectually know that you're met for more and still not act like it. Your body and your brain are always going to default to who you believe you are, who that self-concept is, knowing and doing live in different parts of the brain. Knowing that you were made for more is found in your prefrontal cortex. This is the thinking part of your brain that's known for the logic, reasoning, planning, and strategy. However, doing actually taking action to bring your bigger vision to life. This was primarily in our limbic system. And this is what is governed by our primal brain. This is our habit and our survival brain. These areas handle emotional safety. They are constantly on the lookout for threats. It loves habits. The system is constantly asking. If I was to take this action, am I going to be safe? Is it going to expose me? What has worked before? And it wants to try to keep you repeating the behaviors that are known. It doesn't care about your vision. What it cares about is predictability and survival. So when you take action, that contradicts your identity, who you believe you are. Your limbic system throws up fear, doubt, and delay knowing that you were made for more. And acting on it requires emotional safety. And how do we get emotional safety? We give ourselves permission. We ground ourselves in our future identity before we actually arrive there. So if you want to grow into your future self, you need to spend so much more time getting to know who exactly that is. Success feels scarier than failure for many of us, me included, and quite honestly, the things we're trying to be successful at, we have never done before. And also, and this is something that I've been feeling a lot lately, is I'm taking my business through a major growth spurt. I find that the fear of not being able to go back once I step fully into what I'm here to do, that's pretty scary for me. We have to evolve into that thing that we want to be and that is very unfamiliar and we fear giving up what we know, what is known for us. Playing small keeps our options open, and it still gives us something to dream about and reach for. So on one hand, I can think that I'm done with playing small and want to really step into the reason why I'm here. But at the same time, I fear not being able to go back to when life was simpler and easier and maybe less busy. But remember, the primal brain is always going to try to protect you. It's only going to show you the bad parts. It's only going to have you think of the negative. So when I worry about not being able to go back to what life was like before my business grew so much, I forget that. There are also really great parts about that too. So how do you stop playing so small? Like I said, this is something that I've been considering a lot this year, and so here's a few things that have worked for me and I hope they will work for you as well. Number one. I want you to remember why you're here. You were given this work that you are doing for a reason. This mission that you are on, you are the chosen one for it. It is yours to bring to life. No one else has your own special combination of magic, of experience, of insights. It is yours, number two. Release the pressure you're putting on yourself to do it right. Again. Remember, you've never done this before. There's a really good chance you're not going to get it right, and that's okay. I want you to get curious. I want you to think about your growth as an experiment. Have some fun with it. Number three, give yourself permission. Stop waiting for that permission from others to move forward. Give it to yourself. Let it be okay to try new things. Number four, understand that that identity you're evolving into, it's not something you earn. It's something that you claim. Decide who you want to be and what you want to do. And become that. Visualize that, spend time journaling about it, converse with it, and number five, understand that discomfort is a part of the deal. You will never, ever, ever feel comfortable growing. You can get in that car for the road trip with fear, and you can tell fear to get into the backseat. You do not need to let it drive your car. So my friends, this is your wake up call, your nudge to get moving. You do not need more clarity. You don't need more confidence, you don't need more credentials. You need to stop waiting for permission to take up the space. Your vision all ready assumes you occupy to your future self. This should be no big deal because to your future self, you've already become. Who in what you want to be. Your voice matters even when your hands shake and when you feel like you don't know what you are doing. I experience it every day. It is time to act like the person you already know you were meant to be. No more playing small. It's time to rise my friends. Thank you so much for being with me again this week. I hope you found this message this week helpful, and if you did, I would really appreciate it if you would share it with a friend or maybe leave me a review have an amazing week, my friends.